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3 Keys To A Good Relationship

Every relationship, no matter whether it’s been evolving for years or whether it’s brand new, can be foundationally solid if attention is paid to three key items.

There are 3 keys to a good relationship that must continually be attended to. That means it takes time and deliberate effort to ensure that these areas are healthy and in good shape. It would be nice if our good intentions were enough to ensure a successful relationship but good intentions can easily go sideways.

loveThere are numerous topics, traits and characteristics that should be doted upon to make sure that you and your partner are on healthy ground, however there are 3 keys to a good relationship that are absolutely vital. Their health and continual attention is mandatory and without grooming these areas, it becomes much easier for any relationship no matter how strong it appears to be on the surface, to become old, moldy and obsolete.

Most people who desire long lasting and fulfilling interaction with their significant other have read many articles about how to keep the spark strong. There’s no shortage on them, but for this article I want to let you know what I’ve gleaned from talking with many people.

These must do, must take care of and must be healthy traits are:

  1. Financial Clarity
  2. Personal Honesty
  3. A Shared Spirituality

Financial Clarity

Every other good and necessary trait of a relationship can be quite healthy, but without focusing on this item, your chances are not good. Sorry, but it really is that simple. I know you’ve read articles about:

  • How To Have A Great Sex Life With Your Partner
  • ___ Ways To Keep The Excitement Going
  • Increasing The Passion In Your Marriage
  • And on and on…

financesHowever, sex, passion and excitement, as great and necessary as they are will not create a stable relationship alone. Unless the “gas” in the engine in the engine is good, the vehicle, in this case your relationship will keep stalling out, over and over until you get a common vision regarding finances straightened out.

It’s extremely difficult to deal with all the emotional aspects of a relationship, and pay attention and give care to the weightier and more foundational parts of a long lasting and healthy relationship without being assured that both of you are of the same mind when it comes to money.

I’ve told people before, don’t get hitched, whatever that may mean for you, until you see only each other for at least twelve months including one Christmas, one birthday for each of you and, most important, two tax seasons.

The beginning seasons of a relationship can be very exciting, ooey gooey and lovey dovey, and the typical result is tunnel vision.  A myopia that doesn’t allow for an accurate assessment of your partner and situation. If this is just a casual, “probably not going anywhere but for now it’s fine” relationship then you can quit reading now and go back to whatever else your temporary relationship is based on.

However, if you’re looking at your partner as something more than a temp employee, but rather someone you may seriously be considering as a partner for the long term, then all three items noted in this article are critical.

financesThere is nothing worse than the light of day come shining brightly one day and suddenly you hear a voice saying, “What in the world was I thinking?” And it’s even worse when “the voice” says it after months or years of continual periods of arguments, yelling, screaming, crying and begging. There is absolutely nothing worse than realizing that one of the most important foundations of your relationship, financial security and the resultant peace, is continually in jeopardy or worse, deliberately undermined by your partner.

Being rich isn’t the issue, being secure is, and without this most basic of securities, your relationship will continually be in turmoil. Being secure doesn’t mean that the both of you are overflowing with excess money, it simply means that the both of you are on the same page and that there’s a trust between the two of you when it comes to money and it’s future in your life.

Time must be spent, adult time, talking seriously about spending habits, when and how much you can start saving, investments, career choices and the importance of maintaining a good credit rating.

If the direction of your mutual finances isn’t healthy and clearly talked about between the two of you everything else will falter. A mutual vision in this area gives you something strong to lean on when other areas of your relationship are in a state of flux.

Personal Honesty

Opacity has it’s place in design, art and literature, but it has no place in a relationship.

ethicsEveryone is on good behavior while they’re getting to know each other in the developing stages of a relationship and just because things may “calm down” doesn’t mean your intimacy has lessened. You and your  partner have went from a maybe state into a definitely state. But just because some things have changed in a maturing relationship, some things shouldn’t change.

You should always be able to go to sleep at night with the full assurance that the person you’re with is the person you think they are and always will be.

Unless you also are a person for whom personal honesty is a troublesome formality, to be avoided when necessary and embellished upon when convenient, then consider this point to be another one that is not subject to conviction, not open to interpretation, but solid.

Personal honesty and being with another who is also similarly constant is what you should strive to for and what your partner should also be able to rely upon. Honesty, clarity and openness are traits of character the importance of which should never be relegated to second status. You must know with a surety that the person you’ve chosen is who they purport to be and likewise, your partner should be able to count on you being constant and stable in this area.

Shared Spirituality

Having a shared spiritual life, again for whatever that may mean for the two of you, is the most important factor of all.

You can be on firm footing in all the other areas but unless you’re assured that the meaning of life is shared then all the other important factors that are considered necessary for a healthy life together is like trying to build a second story on a vacant lot.

Without a shared spiritual vision, marriage is like trying to build a second story on a vacant lot.

Don’t think that eventually everything will just work out in this area. It takes deliberate action, much conversation and building a set of friends and acquaintances that are of a similar mind to create a strong and intimate relationship. Having friends and others that are of that similar mind helps to start develop a sense that your relationship is more than a short term fling but is built upon a sense of community, of something that is truly stable and lasting.

If you have a good sense of where you’re going in the spiritual areas of life and your partner doesn’t share these values, then thinking, forcing and hoping that you can save, change or manipulate your partner into the same thinking is simply like driving down a dead end street. Eventually you’ll come to the end and even more difficult and emotionally upsetting decisions will have to be made.

In Closing…

There are no perfect relationships and no perfect people but there are foundational traits of character, values and ethics that when shared, discussed and built upon, can almost guarantee that the dream you hope for can and will come true.

Take time for yourself to think out these matters honestly and realistically and make a conscious determination that these will be paramount in your individual life and your relationships will be strong and lasting.

#relationships #marriage

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