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Victim or Victor

To be either a victim or victor on the surface sounds like something that can be easily chosen. You just make the decision. The truth is it’s very difficult to cast aside memories that heavily burden us or to change habits of thought.

Hope is like the sun, which as we journey toward it,  casts the shadow of our burden behind us.

~ Samuel Smiles

We have a lot of time on our hands, much of it alone, and it’s during those times of solitude where we are so vulnerable to old patterns of thought, inaction or learned inappropriate behavior. For those who may have a tendency toward being isolationist or somewhat introverted, it’s a big step to reach out and get involved with people you may not know or don’t know well. And there’s a very big chance that as you begin to like being involved with others that you may sustain some disappointments. We all must always remember that, as we try to reach out and increase our boundaries, we’re dealing with people not saints and people can and eventually will let you down, at least somewhat.

The problem is that you will never move toward wholeness without allowing yourself to be vulnerable to a degree.  And truthfully, most people simply aren’t out “to get you.”

While you don’t have to let people in deeply at first you do have to let them have access to you. Now, I’m not talking about the fact that you may meet a lot of people during the course of your day, that happens to all of us. But if you sigh a deep sigh of relief as your day ends and you’re starting your car to drive home to your haven of solitude, that should signal that there’s a missing element somewhere. Many times it’s a normal response to a difficult day, but it shouldn’t happen every day.

At this point however just think about it. We’ll deal more with this subject in future posts and very soon, but for now at least think about what you can do to let a few more people closer to you. If you follow this path, albeit slowly, you’ll eventually find that the reward is much higher than the risk.

One other thing to consider about a victim or victor mentality is that many times being a professional victim can be a stealth way to control others. But if you truly want to break out of the mold from victim or victor thinking, nothing can really stop you.

Author:  Tony Hensley

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